"Does Nana know who I am?"
Your question landed on my heart like a powerful punch. Overwhelmed by the weight of sadness, I turned away for a brief second to gather myself.
Taking a deep breath, I placed your little hand in mine. I looked in your brown eyes and replied, “No, buddy, she doesn’t. Nana doesn’t know who any of us are anymore or who we are to her.”
In a matter of seconds, the sweet innocence of your face was replaced by sadness and heartache. In a matter of seconds, it felt as if you had matured beyond your years.
Oh, my dear son. How could someone so young grasp something so painful and confusing?
I could see the realization of this harsh truth settling in, and as it did, you began to weep. Your shoulders trembled, and it felt as if my heart was breaking all over again, right along with yours.
I wrapped you in a hug, and together we wept, united in our shared sorrow – our shared grief. I was unsure what to say or how to proceed, but in that moment, my heart urged me to speak, so I did.
I told you your Nana loved you more than anything in the world.
I told you she’d always ask about you when she called – her voice filled with adoration and excitement as she wanted to know how her ‘buddy’ was doing.
I told you how much joy she felt whenever she got to spend it with you.
I told you she’d be so proud of the human being you are becoming - good, caring, and kind.
I told you that while Alzheimer’s has taken so much of Nana, we still get to carry her in our hearts, and for this reason, she’ll never leave us. The memories we have of her, the experiences we shared with her, will always be with us.
I told you when you think of her, that is her way of letting you know she is with you—just look to your heart, and there you will find her.
Your tears slowed and I saw a glimmer of understanding in your eyes, and it filled me with hope. What a harsh reality—losing your Nana at such a young age to such an awful disease. Yet, amidst the pain, I’m taken aback by your empathy, strength, and understanding—beautiful qualities she passed down to me and now to you.
Dear son, please know Nana’s legacy continues in the memories and stories we share. So, say her name often, and tell others how much she meant to you. Remember her warm hugs, radiant smile, infectious laughter. Remember how she made you feel so special and so loved. These will be the ties that bind you to her, ensuring she remains a part of your life forevermore.
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