Mom,
I need you.
Life has thrown some punches lately, and I’m finding it hard to navigate it without you.
You were the calm I sought in times of trouble, the voice of reason I turned to when things turned bleak, when life became overwhelming
You made it all better simply by being you. Your words, your wisdom, your love, your presence, were the antidote to my pain, the answers to my problems, a welcoming respite in the storms of life.
Yet, as I sit here, the other end of the phone remains silent, no sound of any kind on the line. My heart breaks again as the realization of your permanent absence hits me like a ton of bricks. A cruel truth that makes itself known again, refusing to let me forget.
As difficult as it is sometimes, I must go on without your calming, steady presence. I have to. That’s the cold, cruel reality I face in this life that continues without you.
Although you aren’t here to offer your motherly love, I try to think of the advice you’d give, the words you’d say to make it all better. So, I close my eyes and picture your beautiful face, your gentle voice and immediately my breathing settles, my heartbeat slows. Feelings of comfort and safety envelop me like a warm embrace. I am still. I am calm.
That’s the effect you still have, Mom. Even when you aren’t here, your spirit, your grace, your love shines through brightly like a brilliant North Star. Transcending this physical world and taking up space in my soul.
I'll keep searching for your light whenever I miss you or need your guidance. I'll remind myself to listen to my heart, to go inward, and there you'll be – always and forever, there you will be.
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