There are some days where I feel incredibly lost without you.
Your calming, loving presence always provided a safe space. A space to lay down my burdens, worries, and fears. A space of love and acceptance. A space where I could be myself, a space where I could show up as I was and that was enough.
But now as I face a life without you in it, I am a boat lost at sea. Without you here, I am adrift, directionless.
Sometimes the days feel so hard, I can't find my way forward. I reach out for you, desperate to hear your voice, but all I find is uncomfortable silence and empty space.
I try to fill the void with memories of you, but the memories only last for so long - they remind me of what once was, what used to be. They only make me long for your presence, to have you back here with me, like it was before. When everything was right with the world. When everything made sense.
Yet, even in the darkness of grief, there are moments when I feel you near me – in the warmth of the sun’s rays, in a bird’s song, in the gentle whispers of the breeze – but these moments are fleeting, they eventually return me to this life that goes on without you.
Somedays the longing is unbearable. Somedays I wonder if I will ever learn to live in this world without the one person I loved most. Somedays I wonder if I will ever find my way back to myself.
Yet no matter how difficult, no matter how much I struggle, I know what you would say to me if you were here. You would hug me and tell me I must go on – not only for myself, but for you. You’d encourage me to move forward, even when it feels impossible. You’d encourage me to experience life to the fullest even when I feel empty and hollow. You’d encourage me to remember you when life gets hard, when I’m missing you. You’d encourage me to remember your words so that they’d inspire me to keep going.
And though the days are incredibly hard without you, I find the strength to go on because that is what you would want. I live each day in your memory, with your love and spirit in my heart. Your legacy the guiding light I need as I navigate through the darkness. And, somehow, I believe that I will find my way through because you’ll always be with me. Every step of the way, you’ll be with me.
Comments