I’ve often caught myself saying things like, 'My mom doesn’t know who I am,' or ‘She no longer recognizes me’ when people ask about her—as if she somehow chose this for herself. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Alzheimer’s is the thief that steals her memories and her recognition. It is the relentless monster who robs her of the ability to fully live life. It is the vicious invader who forces her to surrender, to succumb to its merciless power.
My Mom wasn’t given a choice when this disease took control of her beautiful brain. She did not choose this. She did not want this. She did not deserve this.
If she were given a choice, her choice would have been to live out the rest of her days with her friends and loved ones.
If she had a choice, she’d be enjoying time with her beloved spouse, making memories and enjoying each other’s company.
If she had a choice, she’d be a proud Nana, watching her grandchildren grow into good and kind human beings.
If she had a choice, she’d be calling her kids, checking in on their lives, and making plans to get together.
If she had a choice, she’d be nurturing her friendships and treasuring connections that meant so much to her.
If she had a choice, she’d be using her voice, her kind words, to say, 'I love you' and 'How are you?'—cornerstones of the care she always showed others.
If she had a choice, she’d be sinking her toes into a white, soft sandy beach, enjoying views of the beautiful blue ocean.
If she had a choice, she’d be doing all the things she loves with the people she loves.
But Alzheimer’s has mercilessly stripped these freedoms from her.
As the disease infiltrated her beautiful mind, it gave her no choice, no means of escape. It held her hostage, claiming her as its powerless victim.
My Mom did not choose it. She did not want it. She did not deserve it.
So, when we talk about people with Alzheimer’s and dementia, let’s remember to place the blame for all they’ve lost on the disease. The loss of memories, recognition, communication, and connection—it all lies in the hands of the disease, not the person.
If they had a choice, they’d be living a vibrant, healthy, and meaningful life. If they had a choice, they’d be making memories and enjoying the precious time they have with loved ones.
If they had a choice, but they don’t.
Photo of my precious Mom & Dad enjoying the views on a beautiful Destin beach.
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